Since my last post, much has happened... My mother went into the hospital in February with heart failure. The doctors had hoped to get her a transplant, but other vital organs began to shut down as well and by mid-April they had tried everything they could think of. She passed away on Saturday, April 28, 2012. She was 45 years old. I am grateful for the time that she was given here on this earth.
I have done a lot of things in the last few weeks that I think would make her proud. She helped me learn to sew by making nine patch squares for a quilt. I have had the squares just kicking around for over ten years... For her funeral I finished the quilt top to place on her casket. I have now finished all but the ties on it.
I was given the journals that she had at the house and as I read them (there wasn't much) it really impressed me that she wanted to continue to practice her talents that she had set aside for so long. She wanted to start drawing again, and practice playing the flute, among other things. I have a new determination to continue to improve myself as well. Today I sat down with that flute, googled a fingering chart, and learned a simplified childrens song from the Friend magazine. I guess I remembered more from the three times I dropped out of band in elementary school than I thought. We both always loved to sing, and I want to share that more often.
I'm sure that all of this artistic stuff is going to drive my husband absolutely nuts, but I don't really care. Losing both parents in the span of six months has caused me to realize that you don't know how much time you have. There are so many things that were left undone for my mom. The week before she went into the hospital she bought fabric and patterns to make dresses for Zoe and my cousin Kira (who is a year-and-a-half older that my daughter). I have the stuff and I will be making Zoe's dress at the very least.
It is interesting to me just how similar I am to my mom. Days before her passing we were sitting in the hospital discussing something and there was a pause, followed by both of us saying "THAT would be interesting" with the exact same inflection in our voices. My grandma just looked over at us and said "that's enough you two". We sound the same, more than once I was told that people never thought they would hear her speak until I said something. We've looked the same for ages, but now even my hair is becoming more like hers was...
I am glad that when she died so much of her survived through me. But more than the physical traits I want to carry her legacy of faith and love. Even as she was being told she would die before the end of the week she was speaking words of encouragement and comfort to the medical team that had done so much for her. She knew where she was going and she was as ready as she could be. She trusted that it was her time. She had fought the good fight, and it was time to go "home". She had such immense faith in God and his plan for all of us. I want to be remembered for that as well.
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